“I wanted a new leg, and all I got was this lousy anus.”

March 19, 2008

You’ve probably already heard about the poor woman who went in for a leg operation and got a sphincter switch instead.

Questions:

  1. If she likes the new butthole, does she get to keep it?
  2. How much does a new butthole cost?
  3. Where is the butthole store (and I don’t mean Wal-Mart)?
  4. Did they cut the tags? I’ll bet they didn’t even cut the tags.
  5. How awkward was it in the operating room when they realized their mistake?
  6. Will the court members be able to stop giggling at the malpractice trial?
  7. Will the woman’s lawyer tell the jury the difference between a leg and an asshole?
  8. Will she have to drop trou in front of the jury, so they can see the new one sparkle?

Really, folks, it’s not funny at all . . .


The Rich Can Do Anything They Damn Well Please

September 29, 2006

What do you do if you’re a billionaire who has everything you could possibly want? Why, marry your daughter, of course.


A Picture is Worth a Thousand Mommies

August 21, 2006

An interesting photo from a recent pro-polygamy rally. All I know is that it’s hard enough to remember one anniversary.


"Teen Guilty of Assault After Penis Stunt"

August 21, 2006

Headline of the day.

A Waterloo teenager was sentenced to 60 days in custody yesterday after admitting in a Guelph court he tried to hit two other boys at a youth treatment centre in the face with his penis.

It’s a manoeuvre known around the facility as “a helicopter.”
(If he hadn’t been making the thup, thup, thup helicopter sounds, he might’ve gotten away with it.)

Last Dec. 19, the two victims were lying on their beds at the Portage centre near Elora when the teen came in. He removed his penis from his pants and, while holding it, tried to strike the victims. He did not make contact with either boy.
(He missed? Maybe you shouldn’t do the helicopter if you can’t hit anything. Just do the “propeller hat” instead.)


Strange Monuments

August 9, 2006


A gallery of strange monuments from around the world.


How wide are those slats, exactly?

August 7, 2006

You can’t make this shit up:

Deckchair trapped testicles

A Croatian man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deck chair and found his testicles had got stuck.

 

Mario Visnjic had gone swimming naked in the sea at the Valalta beach in western Croatia, reports 24sata.

 

His testicles had shrunk while in the cool sea and slipped through the wooden slats when he sat back down on his wooden deckchair.

 

But as he lay in the sun they expanded back to normal size and got stuck between the slats.

 

He was eventually freed after he called beach maintenance services on his mobile phone and they sent a member of staff to cut the deck chair in half.

Jimmy has some questions:

  1. How, exactly, do you begin such a call?
  2. Instead of cutting the chair in half, why didn’t they just dunk his balls into a glass of ice water to shrink them down again?
  3. How far down does your sack have to hang in order for this to be a problem? The story says his nuts expanded as he “lay in the sun.” Think about it. Your bag would have to hang down past your asshole, through the slats and still hang low enough to allow for warmth expansion.
  4. What kind of saw did they use?
  5. Did they put a cup on his scrotum to protect it from flying splinters?

I can see why he didn’t wear a bathing suit. I don’t think they make them big enough to support a package that big.


Yes, Man. Uh, I Mean "Ma’am."

June 5, 2006

I’ll bet the toilet lids are always down where these ladies live.