Been There

December 14, 2006

Quite funny when read aloud:

Room Service (RS): “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”

Guest (G): “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”

RS: “Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??”

G: “Uh..yes..I’d like some bacon and eggs.”

RS: “Ow July den?”

G: “What??”

RS: “Ow July den?…pryed, boyud, poochd?”

G : “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.”

RS: “Ow July dee baykem? Crease?”

G: “Crisp will be fine.”

RS : “Hokay. An Sahn toes?”

G: “What?”

RS:”An toes. July Sahn toes?”

G: “I don’t think so.”

RS: “No? Judo wan sahn toes??”

G: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘judo wan sahn toes’ means.”

RS: “Toes! toes!…Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?”

G: “English muffin!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘Toast.’ Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”

RS: “We bodder?”

G: “No…just put the bodder on the side.”

RS: “Wad?”

G: “I mean butter…just put it on the side.”

RS: “Copy?”

G: “Excuse me?”

RS: “Copy…tea…meel?”

G: “Yes. Coffee, please, and that’s all.”

RS: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy….rye??”

G: “Whatever you say.”

RS: “Tenjewberrymuds.”

G : “You’re very welcome.”


Book Club Pick

October 12, 2006

If you want a good gag gift, or want to mess with people’s minds, you can order these hilarious book flaps.

Brain Dump

April 9, 2006
  • We now watch “Peter Pan” or “Cinderella” on a daily basis, depending on which one my daughters request. “Peter Pan” is an old favorite of mine, so it’s fun to get to watch that one over and over. “Cinderella” is one I’d seen once or twice, but I’ve really grown to love this movie. I’ve become something of a film connoisseur, and when I evaluate it’s story structure, script and music, this is really a great movie.
  • Speaking of movies, I took a two-day screenwriting seminar a couple of weeks ago with Lew Hunter and Michael Hauge, so now I’m on a screenwriting kick and am going gangbusters on my first script. This is about the most fun writing I’ve ever done. It came at the perfect time, as my novel writing efforts were about to put me in the looney bin. I think screenwriting, like short stories, appeals to my nature to get the story told quick. I bring this up because I came across the Writer’s Guild’s list of the 101 Greatest Screenplays. Here’s a script site where you can probably read most of them. I thought The Usual Suspects was a tad overrated, and to see it ranked above “Taxi Driver” really pissed me off. Let the debate begin.
  • A couple of interesting news stories to shake up your view of things. The first, about a new book from the Holy Blood, Holy Grail guys, explores the possibility that Jesus faked his death on the cross. For example, the “vinegar” He was given to drink was actually a soporific drug that simulated death, and that Pontius Pilate and Joseph of Arimethea were in on the plot, as was Judas, who might actually have been put up to his betrayal by Jesus himself. Velly eenteresting.
  • Went to see George Carlin last Thursday night. He was vicious and caustic as usual, and he told us two horribly disgusting jokes. He said “this is quite possibly the sickest joke I’ve ever told . . . with the possible exception of the next one.” I’ll post the jokes in the comments with a warning. So, you’ve been warned. Don’t bitch.
  • I told my wife I’m now buying lottery tickets because I seem to always beat the odds. For example, at the Carlin concert happened to fall on a night of horrible weather, and the two drunkest assholes at the event sat right next to me. They weren’t in their seats five minutes and I already had to tell them to shut the fuck up. They stunk of alcohol and were just a couple of losers. It’s amazing how some people can still inspire instant hatred. I would loved to have seen them pasted by a city bus. That would have been funny.
  • One of my daughters got up from her afternoon nap, and when I went into their bedroom, the other girl was still asleep. They look so peaceful and angelic when they sleep. It dawned on me that I rarely see them sleeping since its usually dark in their room and they’re awake by the time I go in, and they never sleep in my arms anymore. Funny how that wonderful period went by so fast and I never even noticed.