March 20, 2008

How many cannibals could your body feed?
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“I wanted a new leg, and all I got was this lousy anus.”

March 19, 2008

You’ve probably already heard about the poor woman who went in for a leg operation and got a sphincter switch instead.


  1. If she likes the new butthole, does she get to keep it?
  2. How much does a new butthole cost?
  3. Where is the butthole store (and I don’t mean Wal-Mart)?
  4. Did they cut the tags? I’ll bet they didn’t even cut the tags.
  5. How awkward was it in the operating room when they realized their mistake?
  6. Will the court members be able to stop giggling at the malpractice trial?
  7. Will the woman’s lawyer tell the jury the difference between a leg and an asshole?
  8. Will she have to drop trou in front of the jury, so they can see the new one sparkle?

Really, folks, it’s not funny at all . . .

My Buddies Behinds

March 7, 2008
  • Sitting at the wireless phone store yesterday, I did a double-take when the TV next to me-advertising some “buddy” program for cell phones-said, “don’t leave your buddies behind.” I just want all my buddies out there to know that I will never leave your behinds. Now, on with the link dump:
  • A California court orders homeschooled kids to class because the state needs to rescue kids from the emotionally stunted cloistering of their parents. And in other news, a California assistant principal has been arrested for kidnapping and raping a student. Glad to see they’ve got it all sorted out over there.
  • Now you can’t even eat the white snow.
  • I know a few ladies (and a few guys) who could claim this legal defense . . .
  • An idea whose time has so totally come. “I Park Like an Idiot” stickers. Fuggin’ brilliant.
  • A new study suggests sexy time should last between 7 to 13 minutes. Thirteen minutes?? Who am I? Bruce Jenner?
  • Speaking of sexy time, check out this nifty trick. Practical and entertaining.
  • Big Brother, I know you’re reading this. I want you to know that I’ve surrendered. I’ve pretty much lost faith in humanity. Not completely, though. It’s fair to say that there are two distinct classes emerging: those who want no responsibility over their own lives, those who have contempt for the most basic notions of courtesy and decency; and people like me, who give it their best, try to raise their kids right and treat others with respect and wish only to be left alone. I realize the latter group is too small to have much influence, so I am offering my services to you, Big Brother, in the surveillance and suppression of the former group. In exchange for you taking the boot off of my face, I will gladly man the camera monitors, listen to their phone calls, stage unannounced inspections and any other duties you might require. I’m ready to help. Please remember this when That Day comes.

I’m watching you.