Leave Them Kids Alone

In my local paper, I spotted an ad for an ADHD study conducted by a local research consortium. And just what, exactly, might indicate ADHD in your 6-12 year old?

  • Has difficulty paying attention at home or in school.
    • I say, who doesn’t? I had teachers who could make sex ed boring.
  • Can’t sit still and is easily distracted, can’t play quietly.
    • I say, kids who play quietly belong in horror films.
  • Does not seem to listen, loses things, interrupts others.
    • I say, this describes most women, not children (just kidding, ladies).
  • Has trouble taking turns, cannot stay seated, fidgety.
    • I say, this sounds like the complaining of a Dickens villain.

I would be worried if my children didn’t show such symptoms, which are nothing more than symptoms of childhood. Indeed, if your child showed the exact opposite of the above “symptoms,” they’d call your child in for an autism study. You can’t win.

I quote no less an expert than George Carlin: “You wanna help your kids? Leave them the f*ck alone!!!


9 Responses to Leave Them Kids Alone

  1. Kristin says:

    Amen ! If your kids DON’T do those things, THAT would be abnormal. I can’t believe they take general child like behaviors and slap a “diagnosis” on it. What exactly do these douchbags think that children are suppose to do. “mommy, please pass the tea. I am feeling quite parched”. Please.

  2. Jimmy says:

    I’m with you. My girls don’t ask me to “pahs the tea,” they merely hold out their empty glass and do a Tim Allen grunt.

    If you froze my kids in carbonite, they would eventually wiggle their way free. I can’t brush their teeth or dress them without them practicing their Cirque du Soleil routine.

  3. Davis says:

    Or they write horror films, mister played by himself aall the time….ha

  4. Davis says:

    notice I didn’t say with……….

  5. Jimmy says:

    Touche, my man. Although I turned out shitfuckpoopy normal.

  6. Fletcher says:

    You think it’s bad there, come live next to the Nation’s Capitol. “The Authorities” just can’t wait to drug up your kids to turn them into useful little ‘bots to maintain the upper 2 percent of the economic strata in this country.
    Pity the child that has an ounce of intelligence or drive, because they will fidget and disrupt and talk as they are bored to eff-ing tears while “no child is left behind”.

    But I don’t really have an opinion.

    Oh, Happy Birthday, Jimmy. I know that I’m almost 2 weeks late. I did remember and I sent you an email. But I had the wrong address. I forgot to come to the new place.


  7. Davis says:


  8. Davis says:

    Congrats to Jimmy…..big things are about to happen to the best writer I know….

  9. Jimmy says:

    Fletcher: Amen, reverend. And thanks for the birthday wishes. It gives me hope that an elder can have such a good memory. I’m still closer to 35 than to 40, so no need to be sad. Not yet.

    Davis: Thanks, bro. Yes, big things lie ahead. The future is about to get very interesting.

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