"Let’s Get Ready to . . . "

January 27, 2006

. . . shit your pants! He’s the Beast from the East (that’s him on the left, in case you don’t have your glasses on).

No, he’s not the antichrist. He’s Nikolay Valuev, WBA Heavyweight Champion. He’s 7 feet tall, weighs 323 pounds and has an 85-inch reach. He boxes, enjoys literature, writes poetry and will beat the holy hell out of you if you disrespect his wife.

You gotta problem widdat?


Diana Inquiry More Complex Than Expected

January 27, 2006

A British inquest into the death of Princess Diana is “more complex” than officials anticipated. Lord Stevens, former head of the London Metropolitan Police and head of the investigation, states that “it is right to say that some of the issues that have been raised by Mr. Fayed [father of Diana’s boyfriend Dodi Fayed] have been right to be raised.” This is a stunner, friends.

And just what has Mohammed al Fayed alleged? That Diana and Dodi were assassinated by British Intelligence officials carrying out a plot hatched by Prince Philip, husband of the Queen.

Lord Stevens did not reveal what parts of the Diana conspiracies he feels are worth taking serious. Watch your back, mate.

Well, Here’s a Shock

January 27, 2006

A study concludes that partisan idealogues are real good at pointing out the speck in their opponent’s eye, but not so good at removing the plank from their own.

Test subjects divided into Democrat and Republican were shown video of George Bush and John Kerry contradicting themselves. Both groups quickly spotted the inconsistencies of the enemy, but denied contradictions by their own man.

So says the psychologist directing the study:

Everyone from executives and judges to scientists and politicians may reason to emotionally biased judgments when they have a vested interest in how to interpret “the facts.”

Well, that’s comforting, eh?

The march to progress moves steadily sideways . . .

Flying Car?

January 24, 2006

Did Google Earth find Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang?

The Week that Was

January 23, 2006

A little late with my week in review. Sorry.

I taught my 2-year-old twin daughters to say “dammit.” Not intentionally. I’ve tried so hard to watch my cussin’, but like typical women they just push . . . me . . . to . . . the . . . very . . . edge. I must admit, though, that I think cussing kids are hilarious, even when they’re my own. How can you not laugh when the cats fight and a cute little voice says “stop it, dammit!”

A woman I know in my night class (Film History) who sits behind me reached out to flatten a “shoulder nipple” on my shirt. I turned around to thank her, and noticed (inadvertently, of course) that her own nipple was poking against her shirt a good half-inch. Is that irony?

Harry Belafonte says that the Department of Homeland Security is the new Gestapo. Now, you don’t have to be a Bush lover (snicker) to point out that if we really did have a Gestapo, ol’ Harry would have a bullet in his head already. Nothing wrong with bitching about the growing police state, but such ridiculous hyperbole ain’t helpin’.

According to a new study, how you get undressed says a lot about your personality. I won’t bother you with the link, ladies, just send me a video of yourselves undressing, and I’ll tell you what it means.

Just a squirrel tryin’ to get a nut . . .

Rocky Blog

January 23, 2006

Make all the Geritol jokes you want, Rocky is coming back and I’m happy. I love Rocky. God bless Rocky.

Oh, Boy. That’s Weird

January 17, 2006

A 35-year-old Russian man had surgery to remove a “harmless fatty tumor” in his back that had been bothering him for years. When doctors removed the growth, they discovered it was actually the embryo of his unborn twin brother, complete with little arms and legs.

Okay, who can come up with the best one-liner? I’ll lead off:

I got you . . . under my skin . . . (I didn’t set the bar very high, I know).