Do What You’re Told

July 28, 2005

A woman in North Carolina has been cited for misdemeanor obstructing and delaying after calling 911 to verify the identity of a police officer who came to her door.
Just remember, keep your head down, your mouth shut and say “baa-baa” like a good citizen would.


"We’re Not Talking About Flatulence."

July 28, 2005

They are studying “volatile organic compounds.” It is not “fart science.

Retired Navy Man Spots Giant UFO

July 28, 2005

A Navy veteran with 10,000 hours of flight experience witnesses a UFO that he estimates to be the size of two—that’s two—USS Nimitz aircraft carriers. I’m sure it won’t be long before some smug skeptic is harrumphing that he merely saw a cloud formation, a sun dog, a flock of seagulls or bemoan the fact that there are no pictures or video, even though the skeptics have cleverly framed the debate so no evidence will be good enough (pictures can be faked, video can be edited, witnesses are unreliable, you get the idea).
Make sure to take the last two paragraphs to heart.

Everyone Breathe Easy. We’re Safe Now.

July 27, 2005

A 62-year-old woman has been convicted of assaulting an airport security screener, and by “assault” we mean grabbing the screener’s breasts after the screener had checked under granny’s breasts to make sure she wasn’t smuggling something dangerous under her boobs. Now that this extremely dangerous potential terrorist (and retired schoolteacher) won’t be on a plane for a while, I just might leave the house and talk a walk in the sunshine.

Of course, granny’s most serious crime was in refusing to behave like a meek sheep and allow herself to be felt up under the silly notion that anyone may be a probable terrorist. Anyone who steps out of line and disrupts our illusion of safety will be dealt with swiftly and harshly.

Is anyone else getting tired of this?

Paul McCartney, Russia and Charles Manson

July 26, 2005

If you haven’t seen Paul McCartney’s “Live in Red Square” yet, you should. It’s an impressive show. Along with concert footage, there is commentary by American and Russian authors that is very enlightening.
Beatles music was banned in the former Soviet Union. Beatles albums could only be purchased on the black market, costing half an average month’s wage and bringing with it risk of arrest, loss of job and educational opportunities. Just imagine what it must have meant to those who braved such a risk to be able to gather in Red Square and rock out.
Vladimir Putin is in the audience, and he sits ramrod-straight and stone-faced most of the time, although I think I spotted him clapping during “Hey Jude.”
Speaking of Sir Paul, I read an article in the wake of the Live 8 concerts criticizing McCartney for performing “Helter Skelter.” The author called the song a “weird choice” due to Charles Manson’s twisted interpretation of it. Since when does Charles Manson decide who gets to claim moral ownership of anyone’s songs but his own? I think it’s way past time for McCartney to reclaim what is a pretty hard rockin’ tune. Manson would be disappointed, I’m sure, to learn that “Helter Skelter” is not about a race war but an amusement park ride.

Michael Hutchence Disappointed He’s Dead

July 25, 2005

Here’s a quote from INXS guitarist, Tim Farriss, speculating on what the late Michael Hutchence might think of the band’s effort to find a new lead singer via reality TV:

He always had a great sense of humor. But, I also think he’d be kind of bummed, because he’s dead—he’d be really disappointed that we had to make the show in the first place.

Then just imagine how bummed he’d be over the fishy circumstances and vicious rumors surrounding his death.

Things I’ll Tell My Daughters, Part One

July 25, 2005

I remember once having a rather heated verbal altercation with a supervisor at work. The manager came to me and said that if I couldn’t respect the person, I should try to respect the position. You should know that anyone who tells you to respect the postion and not the person is speaking of someone who does not deserve respect in the position or as a person.