What Would Scooby Doo?

Saw that on a bumpersticker.

• I watched that “Funniest Home Videos” show Sunday. If I see one more video of a dog (or something else) terrifying a little kid who runs around screaming while the dad laughs and videotapes it, I’m gonna fucking kill someone. That shit ain’t funny.
• In my Film Studies class, and I noticed that nearly everyone, during down time before class, is on a cell phone, laptop, iPod, you name it. There I am with a book of poetry, feeling like an old fart.
• Saw a kid wearing a red (how apt) ski cap with Che Guevara on it. Putting aside the fact that Che was a mass murderer, he also hated capitalism. I thought about asking the kid if he thought Che would approve of having his image marketed on hats, T-shirts and thongs. It reminded me of the time I saw a death penalty protester on TV wearing a Che shirt. Brother, that’s irony.
• My writing teacher told me that the new (or forthcoming) Chuck Palahniuk book is about men who dress in drag, go to clubs and sing Carol Channing songs, and charge the patrons $10 a pop to punch them in the face; they keep doing it until they can’t take any more punches. Supposedly, it’s based on real people. If that didn’t make you laugh your ass off, you need to get the hell out of here.

"Remember that shit you said last February?"

(That’s a Richard Pryor line. Sorry for the obscure reference.)

Scientists are stumped by a woman who can remember everything, and I mean everything. She can bring back dates and historical details in a snap. She can remember the weather and events from her personal life . . . there would be no living with this woman.

"I Knew Thomas Jefferson"

Addwaita, a tortoise believed to have been 250 years old, has died in a zoo in India. If the zoo records are accurate, he was the world’s oldest documented living animal. Oh, the stories he could tell.

Fare thee well, old man.

How William Shatner Changed the World

I’m sure I don’t have to tell Tree about this. It’s a show on the History Channel about the influence “Star Trek” had on the development of gadgets such as computers and cell phones. I haven’t seen the entire show, but I caught part of it the other night. He talked about a primitive computer people could order and put together. It was called Altair (after the Altair system, but you knew that), and did absolutely nothing except blink some lights. It did, however, get the attention of unknown computer geeks like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, who used Altair as a starting point to developing a practical home computer.

"Yer Welcome, Billy Joe!"

A man donates skin to make a new penis for his cousin. No, really.

The Envelope, Please

This is interesting. It’s the Popular Science Movie Awards. My favorite category? “Most Irrationally Beautiful Mathematicians.”

The Week That Was

• A bumpersticker I saw yesterday: “Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket?”
• I’m beginning to think that Big Brother (the dictator, not the show) may not be such a bad idea. All around there are plenty of indications that people are completely incapable of handling freedom. I’m no exception. I look down at the steadily growing spare tire around my waist and realize that I can’t be trusted to maintain my own body. Take my advice, everybody, and get in on a job that will give you power in the totalitarian future. They’ll love us.
• Today is St. Patrick’s Day, and since it falls on a Friday, the Archbishop of Omaha gave Catholics permission to eat meat so they can have their corned beef. I can’t imagine needing permission to eat what I want, but then again, I refer you to the point above.
• Speaking of Catholics, I don’t mean to offend, but I don’t understand some of the things you give up for Lent. Some that I’ve heard over the years: chocolate, sugar, sugared soda, caffeine, usually food of some kind. My dad and I were discussing this and he asked, “how come you never hear of people swearing off gossip or hypocrisy or dishonesty?” Indeed.
• Speaking of movies, I finally saw “Walk the Line,” the Johnny Cash movie. I highly recommend it. Joaquin Phoenix is nothing short of amazing. It goes way beyond a simple impression of a legend. It reminded me of Anthony Hopkins in “Nixon,” where they don’t really look like the historical subjects they’re portraying, but you believe every second of it. The actors did their own singing, which is a huge risk, but they pull it off. I read a review that claimed I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between Phoenix’s singing and Cash’s. That’s bullshit, but still a great performance.
• I promise never again to post a picture of my ass, unless you’d like to see the pics we took after a chocolate lab bit me on the tushie.
• And finally, I’d like to share a moment with my daughter, Laura, that I’m sure I’ll remember on my deathbed:

Have a great weekend.

Create Your Own Dan Brown Novel

This is funny. Just keep hitting “refresh” to get a new one.

I Have No Shame

I felt a disturbance in the Force, like Fletcher and Davis were in need of a really good laugh. Also, I offer this as a lesson to my daughters. Girls, someday you will find yourself in your teen years, and you will be convinced that your parents are the squarest people on the planet, and you’ll probably be right. Just remember, though, that when we say we once did some nutty things, you can believe us . . .

Check out the Rickenbacker bass . . .

We’ll Always Have Paris

A simply gorgeous panoramic view of Paris, with Chartres Cathedral in the center (I think).

You gotta see this.