The Year in Cryptozoology

Boy, if I had it to do over, cryptozoology is the field I would go into. Here are the top cryptozoology stories of 2005, including that big-ass squid and the Disney Yeti expedition . . . . Disney Yeti expedition??

Do These Pants Make My Butt Look Big?

Having solved all problems of overpopulation, hunger and disease, scientists now turn their attention to studying the effects of select garments and fabrics on the appearance of the female derriar, uh, derrier, er, ass.
From now on, when we men get that dreaded question, we can preface our answer by saying, “Well, honey, studies have shown . . . “

Tip of the Day

If you’re a TV talk-show host conducting an interview about sex with the handicapped, try not to laugh like a hyena at your guest’s helium voice. It’s not in English, but no translation is necessary.

(If the link doesn’t load, hit the download link in the center of the page.)

Didn’t Know That . . . Didn’t Really Need To.

After turning off a DVD I’d been watching, I caught a snippet of “Law and Order,” a show I’ve never seen.
Did you know that if you put an electrified probe up a dead man’s bum and give him a charge, you can collect sperm that’s still viable if you get it within 30 hours of his death? No? Well, you’re welcome.

Peace on Earth

And I mean real peace. Not just the absence of war, but the presence of justice and freedom.Merry Christmas to my blogger buddies: Davis, Tree, Stephanie, Monkey, Monkey’s Human, Fletcher and Chris, and to everyone else who stops by.

You Better Watch Out

The Pope dons his Christmas hat. Nothing scary about this pic . . . nope, hmm-um . . . . mommy!

Dirty Hands

I caught a conversation on TV last night about immigration. One of the talking heads was vomiting the usual cliches about how it should be okay for businesses to exploit immigrant labor because they will “do the jobs Americans won’t do.”
Well, maybe there’s a little truth to that, but reviewing my own work history, I have worked on a garbage truck, worked in lawn care in stifling heat and drenched in sweat, unloaded freight trucks at the buttcrack of dawn, worked for Servicemaster where I cleaned restrooms so covered in shit it looked like someone’s ass exploded and ladies’ rooms with used tampons unrolled across the floor and gone to the hospital for razor cuts, injured backs and dog bites in the ass.
This is not to pat myself on the back, but to say that I sure get a chuckle when I see some pink-fingered Ivy leaguer on TV lecturing me about the work Americans won’t do.

72 Bands

There are 72 bands represented in this picture. See if you can guess them all.

That’s a Lot of Damn Books!

For $7,989.50 (free shipping), you can own the entire Penguin Classics Library . . . all 1, 082 volumes. Here’s a list of titles.
If you’re loaded enough to get this collection, you have enough to buy me a set, too. Just email me for my shipping address. Thanks.

The Future?

From Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World:

The world’s stable now. People are happy; they get what they want, and they never want what they can’t get. They’re well off; they’re safe; they’re never ill; they’re not afraid of death; they’re blissfully ignorant of passion and old age; they’re plagued with no mothers or fathers; they’ve got no wives, or childre, or lovers to feel strongly about; they’re so conditioned that they practically can’t help behaving as they ought to behave. And if anything should go wrong, there’s soma. Which you go and chuck out of the window in the name of liberty, Mr. Savage. Liberty!