The Aliens Brought Me Back

Please forgive me, friends, for the long delay in posting anything new and being absent from your blogs. I’ve been busy with family duties, schoolwork and am going gangbusters on a novel I’m working on. I’m taking some time to reevaluate what I want to do here, so if I do continue, I may change things around a bit. We’ll see. Please bear with me.
In the meantime, I received an International Male catalog yesterday. Tell me, ladies, how would you react if a man strutted into your bedroom wearing this?

Myths Become Reality

The International Society of Cryptozoology has a couple of fascinating lists. The first is a list of the most significant zoological discoveries of the last two hundred years, including the mountain gorilla, Komodo dragon and giant panda, all thought to be only myth until a white man saw one.
The second list is unverified claims of various animals and “monsters” that have the Society’s attention, including the giant octopus, lake monsters and giant ground sloths.
No word on bigfoots who flip the bird.

Save the Wildlife! Use Viagra!

Asian men are switching to the blue pill to cure their impotence, meaning they can now put away their sliced deer antlers, seal penises, seahorses, green turtle eggs and bear gall bladders, thus saving the wildlife population.
Chinese men are said to be “deeply suspicious” of Western medicine, and will only trade in their animal cures “unless they have a very good reason.”
I don’t think insurance covers seal penises. There’s another bonus for making the switch.

Did You Know . . .

. . . that sperm trading can resolve hermaphrodite mating conflicts? I didn’t either. Don’t ask me to explain it, ’cause I don’t understand. Look at the ad at the bottom of the article, though.

No Thanks, I Don’t Want It Back

A Romanian woman tried to steal a cell phone by hiding it up her butt. Witnesses saw her take the phone, but when police searched her, they couldn’t find it. They called the cell phone to see where it was, and discovered the woman either hid the phone in her colon or had farts that sounded like “Play that Funky Music.”
Say the police:

The station doctor extracted the phone and we sprayed it with disinfectant before handing it back to its owner.

Why don’t you give it another coat with that spray can, officer.

You Don’t Say . . .

A headline from the “No Shit” file . . .

Headline of the Day

A new superhero has emerged to help fight malaria . . .

Halloween Heads-Up

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Because I care, I’ve scoured some TV listings and found some movies you can’t miss:

There’s AMC’s Monsterfest, an entire week of scary movies, Oct. 23-31, including: Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein, Village of the Damned, Dracula, Friday the 13th and Halloween movies, The Devil’s Rain, Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte, Hellraiser, Exorcist III and a bunch of others.

Turner Classic Movies will show thirty-nine Alfred Hitchcock films from Oct. 24-30. They’re also showing Nosferatu, The Unknown and The Haunting. The big can’t-miss here is London After Midnight. Thought to be lost for good, this Lon Chaney vampire flick has been reconstructed entirely from stills and will be shown for the first time in 50 years in any format.

The Independent Film Channel has the Indie Screams weekend with Suspiria, Inferno and Deep Red by Dario Argento, and Black Sunday, Bay of Blood and Baron Blood by Mario Bava. Black Sunday is the film with the wicked opening scene of a witch getting a spiked mask hammered onto her face. IFC will also be showing The Wicker Man on Oct. 29 (don’t miss this one!).

Shatner alert: Our ol’ buddy Bill takes on satanist Ernest Borgnine in The Devil’s Rain. Also, you probably already knew that Halloween villain Michael Myers wears a modified Captain Kirk mask. No wonder he’s my favorite movie bad guy.

I don’t get premium movie channels, so I didn’t check those. If you know of any other good movies on this month, by all means let us know.

Here’s Wikipedia’s article on horror film.

That’s Gotta Hurt

Boy, this is weird if you haven’t seen it yet. If she gets stuck, you can click and drag to sling her around, uh, I mean help her out.

Hey, Like, Mount Everest Ain’t as High as They Thought, Man!

Mount Everest is 13 feet shorter than previously thought, man.