Church Panty Party

A Bishop of the Church of England has encouraged Christians to use unconventional methods to bring people into the flock, including lingerie parties. The good reverend says:

“I have not conducted a lingerie party myself, but when Bridget Jones was all the rage I know that some Christian groups were holding knickers parties,” she said. “To be honest, I am not sure what happened at those. Nobody has told me.”

Apparently, what happens at the lingerie party, stays at the lingerie party.
Other possibilities mentioned are chocolate parties and pamper (not Pampers) parties.
No word on Inquisition parties or Exorcism parties.

"In Her Tomb by the Sounding Sea."

Here’s a Halloween treat for you. William Burroughs reads my favorite poem, “Annabel Lee” by Edgar Allan Poe.

Africa Cam

You can peek in on the sights and sounds of Africa via this live cam at the National Geographic website. The cam pans across the unimaginatively named Pete’s Pond, and you can catch a fleeting glimpse of wildebeests, zebras and elephants getting a drink of water. You might be surprised how addicting this is.
You’ll need RealPlayer.

William Shatner’s Butt

That got your attention, didn’t it? Here’s a funny blog dedicated to Shatner and his anatomy.

Wanna Join Uncle Sam’s Porn Squad?

No, really! The FBI will use agents and support staff (snicker) to investigate porn dealers. Agents are privately poking (snicker, snicker) fun at the new job posting. Not sure how much public support there will be for this new government crusade, since the porn industry has come (guffaw) a long way toward mainstream acceptance, and several big-name companies profit from it.
“I guess we’ve won the War on Terror,” says one anonymous agent.

I’ve Been Tagged

Okay, it’s come around to me, courtesy of my friend, Stephanie. Here’s all you need to know about little ol’ me . . .

Seven Answers to Seven Questions:

Seven Things I Plan to do Before I Die:

• Stand on top of the Great Pyramid.
• Finish one of the five novels I’ve started.
• Travel in space.
• Celebrate my 150th birthday.
• Play a gig at Madison Square Garden.
• Record my own CD.
• Live in a castle.

Seven Things I Can Do:

• Play the guitar.
• Juggle.
• Write dirty limericks.
• Make people laugh.
• Write songs.
• Run a 25-minute mile.
• Make perfect scrambled eggs.

Seven Things I Cannot Do:

• Dance.
• Be handy around the house.
• Put my leg back over my head.
• Speak another language.
• Draw.
• Get up early without coffee.
• Fly a plane.

Seven Things that Attract Me to Another Person:

• Warped sense of humor.
• Passion.
• Assertiveness.
• Creativity.
• Even-tempered.
• Curves.
• Curiosity about life and the universe.

Seven Things I Say Most Often:

• Cool.
• Sounds like a winner.
• It’s me again, Margaret.
• Okay.
• Ya know?
• Huh?
• Goddammit, you had a yield sign, motherf*cker!!

Seven Celebrity Crushes:

• Sade (the singer, not the Marquis).
• Jennifer Aniston.
• Melissa Etheridge (I know, I know).
• Madonna.
• Monica Bellucci.
• Elizabeth Hurley.
• Carole King.

Seven Random Facts About Me:

• Gothic literature is my favorite reading material.
• When I die, I want to be cremated and have my ashes used in a painting.
• I believe in intelligent life in the universe.
• I have twenty-five scars on my body.
• I don’t kill animals.
• I’m a descended nephew of Arthur Middleton, a signatory of the Declaration of Independence.
• I’m a lefty.

If that’s not a great resume, I don’t know what is.

Disaster Top Ten

Here’s a list of the ten worst natural disasters waiting to strike the United States. Along with the ones we already take for granted (mega-earthquakes, asteroid strikes), there are more nasty events waiting to happen. For example, there’s an active volcano under Yellowstone National Park that is set to blow anytime, and when it does, it will cover half the country in three feet of ash.
Two of the top ten biggest earthquakes in U.S. history were centered in New Madrid, Missouri. Alaska had seven of the others. California had only one.
It might seem odd, but I take comfort in this. It’s nice to know that there’s some things “they” can’t control.

"The Augmented Human"

An article on the future of bioengineering is both fascinating and just a little creepy. It features some of the more-than-human abilities our cyborg grandchildren will enjoy.
Among the highlights:

• An implanted microchip in the brain will allow a person to send brain signals and control machines.
• Contact lenses that will monitor blood pressure and blood sugar.
• A wireless transmitter implanted in a tooth that will act as both speaker and microphone for a cellphone by sending soundwaves to the eardrum.
• A prescription dispenser—implanted in the chest—that monitors body chemistry and releases drugs into your body when you need them.
• Implants that will rejuvenate paralyzed muscles, damaged brain tissue and hearing nerves in the ear.

Now, this all sounds promising, but anyone who’s ever read a science-fiction novel has to be a little uneasy.

Psychic Finds Missing Body

In Italy, a medium—hired by a family to help find their missing daughter—successfully directed searchers to the woman’s vehicle and body in a lake. Divers were skeptical of the medium’s directions since it would have put the 4-wheel drive vehicle underwater 500 feet from shore, but that’s exactly where they found it. A police source stated that finding the woman in that spot was a “million to one chance.” Skeptics say the medium simply worked out the location using known information. No word on why the police were unable to do that.

A Close Call

A personal anecdote, if you’ll indulge me . . .
Today I stood in the bathroom holding my 2-year-old daughter, just goofing around and making faces in the mirror. Not sure why, but I was singing the song The Candyman (the Candyman can ’cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste gooood). Anyway, I’m serenading my daughter (as we look at ourselves in the mirror) and I come to the end of the song, which goes something like “candyman . . . candyman . . . ” I caught myself just before I uttered the fifth “candyman.”
Boy, that was close.